now i know why i became what i already was.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
