i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
