He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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