she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
