Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
