you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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