i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
