You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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