is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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