i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
