Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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