My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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