I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
