She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
