You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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