I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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