We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
