Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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