you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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