at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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