just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
