The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
