If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
