i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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