shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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