Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
