please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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