he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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