even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
