I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
