Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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