i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
