it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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