Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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