So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
