JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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