so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
