I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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