She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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