apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
