Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
