His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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