i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
