i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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