what day is it and did you see me today?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
