there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
