Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
