things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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