May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
