I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
