i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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