Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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