eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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