we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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