Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I lost the right to judge tonight
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
