remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
